Way Down South

After my jaunt across a few states, I decided to make my way south. See, my Mom was in the hospital and wanted to see me, and there’s no way to get around that. Therefore, I spent a week in Texas at my Gramps’ house, going back and forth every day to the hospital to visit my Mom. I hate hospitals, and doctors, and my Mom is fine now, so let’s not talk about that. The one truly awesome thing was that week was the first time that I have ever got to spend time with my Gramps, and it be just the two of use. He reminisced about his childhood, and when he was first married to my Gram. He told stories, and spoke in German (That’s the first time I’ve ever heard him do that. He’s 1st generation American, and I grew up saying ‘Please’ and ‘Thank You’ in German, but that was about it.), we watched countless western movies which I organized for him. So much John Wayne and Tom Selleck (Tom Selleck is in a crazy amount of westerns), and it was amazing to see his face light up at the ridiculous situations in the really old John Wayne movies. We talked about problems, family, and life. It was the most amazing visit! Afterwards, since I was so close, I went to see my sister and her family in Louisiana. I met my new little niece and rode bikes with my nephew and read to him before bed. My sister and I had a heart to heart talk, during which she confirmed something that I was fearing. One may become disillusioned about past loves, but one never forgets them. We talked about her new family, and her happiness, and we talked about my fears. I don’t think that I have ever missed my sister so much.

After seeing my family, I spent a day in New Orleans. Just a day. I strolled around the French Quarter, had some lunch, indulged in coffee and beignets at Cafe du Monde. In the middle of the afternoon, I realized that I didn’t want to be there by myself. Some things really are better when they’re shared with another person. I will make it back there soon, though. I don’t care so much about the French Quarter. I want to see the houses in the Garden District and the morbid beauty of the cemeteries. I will go there again, someday.

I have finally reached St. Louis, though I don’t know yet know if I am to stay. I am doing my best to embrace my past troubles, to face them, and to move on. In some cases, easier said then done. I didn’t learn very much about myself that I didn’t already know. I’m completely comfortable going on a walk-about alone, though sometimes, if the company is right, it is most welcome. I’ve learned to take my time with things. An adventure should have no schedule, especially not one that must be followed absolutely. I learned not to stress over money. I’ve never had much, I don’t need much to be happy, and more can always be attained in some honest way. I learned to breathe, and take the time to truly enjoy the beauty surrounding me. More than once on this trip, my breath was taken away, more than once I was in awe at the grandeur of this land. I learned that memories made with family is more important and more precious than any job. I learned that I treasure my friends, and they truly treasure me; that where I see weakness, they see strength. I have been asked twice about how I feel being back. Well, I have mixed emotions about that. I am overjoyed to see my beloved friends, but I feel as though I’m returning a failure. There’s not much I can do to make that feeling go away, other than look for a new start, and go after things that make me happy. Well, to share some wisdom I received at the Grand Canyon, one day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it’s worth seeing.

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